nude highway driving

The press release I got the other day about the Hello Kitty bug repellant was chock full of entertaining Engrish, even amusing the Japanese translator in our office. I’m always kind of surprised when big-ass companies pushing a product to American media don’t sink a little more cash into their translation division.

I don’t feel bad for getting a kick out of Engrish, mainly because I think the amusement it brings me is dwarfed by the joy my Japanese friends get from me and other Westerners stumbling over our Japanese. (I still can’t even remember when to use which words for numbers, but that’s another post.)

A few months ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about what Japanese I know. She asked me if I knew any dirty words, and after listing various body parts (duh — of course those are the first words I ever learned) I said I knew how to say I was coming. She said “OK, how do you say it?”

I took a breath, mentally prepared myself, then made my best orgasm face, and in as breathy and dramatic a voice as I could muster, I yelled “Ika! Ika!”

Long pause with mouth wide open, then hysterical laughter.

“What?”

“Please don’t ever say that if you ever have sex with a Japanese girl.”

“Why? What?”

“You just said: ‘Squid! Squid!’ “

(Note: The proper way to say “I’m coming! I’m coming!” in Japanese is “Iku! Iku!” which literally means “I’m going! I’m going!” But, c’mon … ika, iku — cut me some slack. It’s not like that time in Venice when I went into a shop and asked the old guy behind the counter for two penises with which to write in my journal.)

A friend of mine spread even more joy. He was in Tokyu Hands with some Japanese friends, including a girl he wanted to impress, when he ran across a kendama, the Japanese version of the ol’ “cup and ball” game.

Childhood memories raced through his head, and he yelled across the store to let everyone knew what he found.

“Hey — kintama! I used to have kintama when I was a kid! I played with it all the time.”

Long pause with mouths wide open, then hysterical laughter.

“What?”

He had just told a store full of people that he had testicles when he was a kid, and played with them all the time.

Did you know Hello Kitty is the most lovable character in New York?

As the weather begins to warm and our thoughts turn to long strolls in the wilderness and backyard barbecues with friends, I bet you’re thinking: “Hey, Sid, how can I keep those pesky bugs away while at the same time looking as kawaii as possible?” You’re in luck.

Yesterday I got a press release from some Japanese company touting the latest Hello Kitty creation — the “Dokodemo Vape No. 1 Hello Kitty Odekake Set.” Basically, a bug repellant that kids can wear as a bracelet or necklace, kinda like a Hartz collar. A little fan sprays some unknown chemical into the air, ensuring insect-free smiles for you and yours.

The press release says it all:

Trouble? Gift for foreign trip and returning home
It is said that more person buy Hello Kitty’s goods for their gift for trip to New York and other foreign countries. A mother said to her son, who study abroad, “you should buy better gifts as you give them to grown-up persons” when she saw he bought. However, he said to his mother “As the character of Hello Kitty is so popular in New York, its character is well accepted.” and bought many items. Hello Kitty becomes a party of Japanese culture, judging by present situation, it is also penetrated into New York.

Not only lovely, but also help at Barbecue party
Hello Kitty’s goods are now sold in many articles from foodstuff to apparel and electric appliance. It is not only lovable, but also useful for daily life as they are superior articles. Specially, a barbecue party is a part of American standard life. It is good feeling to have a food outside. But, it is bad if unpleasant bugs come. So, now a handy bug repellent with no smell gets popular.

Hello Kitty is a great party of Japanese culture (Ain’t no party like a Kitty-chan party …), but I don’t think small children should be hanging out with someone who “penetrated into New York.” Not to mention the fact that Fumakilla, the company producing this “small, light, slim battery operated bug repellant which can be put in a pocket,” has a page on their English Web site where they list the products they make: Insecticide, industrial biocide, termiticide … lots of cides on there. Oh, and wood preservative. Buy one for your newborn now!

But hey — it will keep the mosquitoes away during summer barbecues, right? Well, we really aren’t allowed to say …

(Caution)
We appreciate your corporation that the word such as “repellent” and “repel unpleasant bugs”, etc. can be used on publicity, but the word or wording that imply “Effective for mosquitoes” or “itchy” and “mosquito”, etc. cannot be used. A conventional repellent is registered with pharmaceutical product and/or quasi-pharmaceutical product. However, this product is not yet registered as a wording of “Effective for mosquito”, etc. cannot be used.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Freaky little hamburger/serpent thing found today outside Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden after a windy-ass but beautiful day of walking through hanami.

There’s a great essay by the talented Thurston Moore in the April edition of Wired about the joy of making mix tapes, something that was an integral part of my teenage (and beyond) existence.

I love how he at once affirms my (and Crackity’s) longstanding belief that you can hear the superiority of analog over digital …
They’re [MP3s] even more compressed and harsh than CDs, and in the case of vintage grooves — be it Led Zeppelin, Bad Brains, or Pavement — sound even more detached from musical vibration.
… and then defends the spirit of music sharing, which is just a digital version of making tapes for your friends:
Once again, we’re being told that home taping (in the form of ripping and burning) is killing music. But it’s not: It simply exists as a nod to the true love and ego involved in sharing music with friends and lovers.

I haven’t made many mix CDs yet … I’m sure I will due to the convenience, but it just doesn’t feel the same as sitting in front of your stereo with a stack of albums on one side, a stack of tapes on the other (CDs eventually got a stack, too) and a notebook in between your legs, listening to each track as you record it and then having that chilling moment of “A-HA!!” when the light bulb goes on and you realize exactly what the next song’s going to be. Then you rush to the record shelves (it’s never in the stack you already pulled) to find the vinyl while the inspiration’s still there and before you have to hit the pause button.

The whole process is dirty and hands-on, like developing your own photographs. Listening to the completed tape for the first time (as you write the tracks down on the insert) is like seeing your black-and-white photo magically appear in the fixer — you kinda sit back and say “damn, that was great!” then start planning your next masterpiece.

Luckily for me (and you), Thurston’s put together an entire book about mix tapes, taking stories from various people such as Mike Watt and DJ Spooky about their favorite mixes. It comes out next month. I think I’ll start reading again.

Why yes, I did run into a wacky Japanese wash board/rag band — complete with a real wash-tub bass — playing on the sidewalk in Harajuku during my Sunday stroll. Of course I bought a CD. And yes, you should check them out.

And yes, there also is a jug band around here somewhere.