The press release I got the other day about the Hello Kitty bug repellant was chock full of entertaining Engrish, even amusing the Japanese translator in our office. I’m always kind of surprised when big-ass companies pushing a product to American media don’t sink a little more cash into their translation division.
I don’t feel bad for getting a kick out of Engrish, mainly because I think the amusement it brings me is dwarfed by the joy my Japanese friends get from me and other Westerners stumbling over our Japanese. (I still can’t even remember when to use which words for numbers, but that’s another post.)
A few months ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about what Japanese I know. She asked me if I knew any dirty words, and after listing various body parts (duh — of course those are the first words I ever learned) I said I knew how to say I was coming. She said “OK, how do you say it?”
I took a breath, mentally prepared myself, then made my best orgasm face, and in as breathy and dramatic a voice as I could muster, I yelled “Ika! Ika!”
Long pause with mouth wide open, then hysterical laughter.
“What?”
“Please don’t ever say that if you ever have sex with a Japanese girl.”
“Why? What?”
“You just said: ‘Squid! Squid!’ “
(Note: The proper way to say “I’m coming! I’m coming!” in Japanese is “Iku! Iku!” which literally means “I’m going! I’m going!” But, c’mon … ika, iku — cut me some slack. It’s not like that time in Venice when I went into a shop and asked the old guy behind the counter for two penises with which to write in my journal.)
A friend of mine spread even more joy. He was in Tokyu Hands with some Japanese friends, including a girl he wanted to impress, when he ran across a kendama, the Japanese version of the ol’ “cup and ball” game.
Childhood memories raced through his head, and he yelled across the store to let everyone knew what he found.
“Hey — kintama! I used to have kintama when I was a kid! I played with it all the time.”
Long pause with mouths wide open, then hysterical laughter.
“What?”
He had just told a store full of people that he had testicles when he was a kid, and played with them all the time.
sid world headquarters
jade | 14-Apr-05 at 11:27 pm | Permalink
HAHhahaha!!! I love Engrish!
jade | 14-Apr-05 at 11:30 pm | Permalink
Hahaha!! I love engrish!!
jade | 14-Apr-05 at 11:32 pm | Permalink
oh god what a morron I am… I’m like wtf where’d it go? DOH!
Sharon | 15-Apr-05 at 4:22 am | Permalink
I collect some Engrish, but my favorite is a pin I keep here at work that says, “I proved it better 4 waysand costs loss! But I shouwed my mother.” I like the mix of parental defiance and possible business prowness.
Gary | 15-Apr-05 at 6:13 am | Permalink
Newly arrived in Japan, shopping for a telephoto lens, I asked a salesperson if the lens I was holding was “oiishi.” (For non-speakers, oiishi means delicious, but I thought it just meant good.) The salesperson was far too polite to laugh, but I bet they were ready to explode.
Mala | 15-Apr-05 at 10:24 am | Permalink
Japanese is the new black. Three of my friends are taking the intense Berlitz course just for kicks.
And I’ve recently met random people who have either just returned from or are on the bverge of flying to Tokyo. Do you meet a lot of expats?
Me? I’m still struggling with my Portuguese and French. So kudos to you!
BlogBites | 16-Apr-05 at 2:24 am | Permalink
It’s not like that time in Venice when I went into a shop and asked the old guy behind the counter for two penises with which to write in my journal.
nude highway driving
Tony | 19-Apr-05 at 7:41 am | Permalink
Hey, my buddy David Manko loves to visit Japan…. People laugh when he says his name for some reason….
triticale | 20-Apr-05 at 9:51 pm | Permalink
In my own native language of English I confused testicles and tentacles while describing an octopus as a youngster.
Hmmm | 21-Apr-05 at 10:46 am | Permalink
Never learn a language while drinking.
Years ago, I was trying to buy some mosturizer. I wanted to ask if it was one of the watery types or was it a lotion. I asked,
“Seieki desu ka?”
Of course the poor girl nearly went into convulsions trying not to laugh. I had confused the words for “liquid” (ekitai) and “sperm,” which I’d learned around the same time.
Another:
Trying to impress a landlady so she’d rent her house to a suspicious gaijin-Japanese couple, I said brightly: Oshiri ga okii desu ne! (Your butt’s big!) I meant to say: Oshiri-e–the Japanese style closet.
We didn’t get the house.
Nameless in Tokyo
Bill | 26-Apr-05 at 11:02 pm | Permalink
“If you ever …”? Ouch!