nude highway driving

At several points during my journalism career, I’ve wanted to start a band based on a headline I saw or key phrase from the story. I have no musical talent whatsoever, I just want there to be bands with cool names … names such as “dried presidential semen” (I swear that was in a Bill Clinton story from back in the day). Many bands take themselves too seriously, and if you take yourself too seriously you end up like this (and plastered on prison cell walls across America, without tape or glue). If you’re halfway intelligent and don’t take yourself too seriously, you end up with this or even this.
I never kept track of my favorite band names from news stories over the years, but I’m going to keep a list now. There have been two stories in the past month or so that provided perfect band names for the taking.

First there’s Lethal Sherry Enema, which I imagine as a hard-ass industrial/fuck you outfit that’s like Throbbing Gristle meets late-80s Ministry. Unforgettable live shows that rival the Genitorturers and from which parents across the Heartland would feverishly try to protect their children.
The other day, however, I saw a band name almost as cool. Of course I’m talking about Semen Frosted Brownies. A true rock n roll name, and I’m sure they would have entertaining album covers, but I imagine the band’s sound being more J-Pop than anything. Semen Frosted Brownies has that cute J-Pop kinda ring to it, and Japanese pop stars already have crossed into the world of ejaculatory imagery.

Speaking of new (at least to me) music, I love the fact that the South by Southwest has posted about 750 free songs by bands that are performing at this year’s music festival. I downloaded them the other night and am slowly making my way through the tunage, getting turned on to new artists and unfeasibly turned off by others. I highly suggest all my music-geek friends with killer Internet speeds take advantage of their torrent offering.
Someday I’ll be hip enough to attend the event.