My good friend Shane (aka Feargal Morrissey Calvin Smith Stipe) sent me an e-mail today reminding me why I keep meaning to re-register for daily e-mail headlines from our hometown paper. JoMo, as us extremely cool people call it, is a very special place. It’s the new Prague. With inbreeding.
And really gullible kids. Or perhaps extremely smart ones. A 16-year-old female Sonic manager and the 19-year-old male cook got caught naked in a bathroom together, doing fun things to each other. They say they fell for the old “phone call from a cop” trick, where the caller, allegedly a cop, says your employee stole an old lady’s purse and you have to strip-search the person. Apparently performing oral sex on the suspect helps a theft investigation.
This doesn’t quite top the story I found a few years ago, when Missouri was considering making bestiality illegal because a guy who lived in Carl Junction was “married” to his pony, but it comes entertainingly close.
I’m quite sure that Joplin, MO story wasn’t supposed to turn me on. Nonetheless…
Nothing about Joplin is supposed to turn anyone on. But I kinda see your point. Oh, the millions I would have paid to be “searched” by the head hostess when I was a 16-year-old host at Red Lobster.
I thought the reader responses at the end of the article were just as humorous. For example:
Roger Daltrey writes:
“Somebody is awesome here. I don’t know if it’s some guy on a phone, or some kids working at Sonic, or just a liar who wrote this article. But this story justifies the claim that there exists at least one person besides me in this world who is awesome.”
Anonymous writes:
“So…. I need someone to give me a call at the office on Tuesday.”
So your hometown paper has headlines like:
“City: Gravel-road residents must pay for work”
I knew finding a decent job was hard in Joplin, but to PAY for the opportunity is a bit steep, no?