Critical observations from the weekend so far

Dear National Aquarium in Baltimore: Is there any way we can have two entrances to your beautiful building? One for regular visitors, and a special “annoying-ass, loud-field-trip-of-kids entrance”? Thanks. Also, can we have a separate tour for stupid people? Seriously, I shouldn’t be embarrassed to be a human while looking at wildlife. Here are two things overheard at the aquarium, spoken by parents:

   "I wish they would make this water stop moving so we can see better!"
   "Ugh — it smells like the ocean in here." (near the ray tank)

Dear pilots and weathermen who deal with West Virginia: Is it physically possible to land a plane at Yeager Airport (in Charleston) in a non-nauseating manner? I’ve never seen it happen. It’s already hard enough flying in on a tiny-ass plane to an airport that was built on a damn mountain. There’s not much room for error at this very special airport — you must stop by a certain point when landing and you must lift off by a certain point when leaving. Is it too much to ask that the air be computer-controlled so we don’t all want to barf? Just checking.