Bill had an interesting quickie about how to refer to Roy Horn in headlines. Nobody knows who “Horn” is, and I don’t know if just “Roy” would cut it, either, with the majority of readers. I ran into the problem last night, and decided to re-write a headline so I could use “illusionist.”
Later last night, as we were working on our Page 1 overbar, I realized that one of the (very) few good things about Bush is his short-ass name. Even one-column heads can handle him. The same goes for Calif. Gov. Gray Davis, as well, and I envision every copy editor in California voting “no” on the recall. “Schwarzenegger” is a headline nightmare, and “Bustamante” isn’t much of a relief. “Flynt” is copy-editor friendly, however.
So I guess if we voted purely with the thought of making our jobs easier, we easily could pare down the presidential candidates. Lieberman, Kucinich, Sharpton, Graham and Gephardt are out. Dean, Kerry, Clark and Braun (acceptable second-reference for Carol Moseley Braun) get to stay. Edwards maybe.
Then we could form a copy-editor caucus and candidates will come speak to us, promising to shorten their names or refer to themselves by their first names – “Congressman Dick, how are you? Have you met Senator Lieb?” – in order to win our vote.
After electing a president, we would use our skyrocketing political power to change all business hours so that we may attempt to have normal lives after work, as well. Happy hours start again at midnight. All grocery stores, bookstores and Target-type stores are 24-hour establishments. Restaurants serve food until at least 3 a.m. All concerts are late-night affairs. Express checkout lanes will say “10 items or fewer” under penalty of law.
Soon the world will be ours! [eds: Insert maniacal laughter here]
so Sid, is Bill gonna be your boss?
In the New Copy World Order? Sure!
In real life? I’d be honored, if only to hear him scream “Jesus Fucking Christ” in person – but first I’d have to get a job at the Post.
Shucks, I had it in my head you were a Postie.
Oh, hell, I’ll join your caucus (as I occasionally serve as what passes for a copy editor in the corporate arena), if only to push for the “10 items or fewer” requirement.
Actually, I’d probably require them to spell out “ten” as well, but I’m an anal-retentive cuss.
Welcome to the revolution!
By the way – I loved your story. You were one of the most animated speakers and that delivery was down. In fact, the way you did your story I totally could see you doing stand-up … kinda in the pace of Jake Johannsen.
As far as spelling out “ten,” it depends on which party platform you take in the copy editing caucus (oh no – there are already splits!). Us newsies, unhealthily addicted to the AP Stylebook, will use numerals for everything from 10 and above (but happily spell out one through nine, unless of course we’re talking age or measurement).
The geekdom never ends.
For our part (my company, that is), we also use numerals for 10 and above. The exception in this case occurs because it begins a sentence — or a fragment, anyway. (God, I’ve got to get out more!)
And thanks for the compliment on the story. I’ve done stand-up once (egged on stage by my college buddy Patton Oswalt), but haven’t tried it since. Maybe I’ll reconsider…
Ooooh, sentence vs. fragment discussion – now we’re way beyond the boundaries of language geekdom.
I’d come see you at the Improv.